Sunday, February 8, 2009

Quality Time... my primary love language. Closely followed by Words of Affirmation. If you spend time with me while telling me how great I am, I will likely follow you home and be your loyal friend forever.

Seriously, though.

I read The Five Love Languages last week and it confirmed a ton of stuff that I intuitively knew to be true, corrected some things I was confused about and overall, knocked my socks off. Frank and I have been on a pretty steady course over the past 5 - 7 years, but being of the imperfect human variety, we do have our moments. I can see this book making those fewer and farther in between. He's reading it now. Be still my beating heart.

I always thought that receiving gifts was my primary love language. FALSE. Learning that QT is my true primary love language has made sense of a lot of stuff I've been thinking about and dealing with over the past year or two.

You see, your love language isn't reserved for your spouse alone. Friends and family have the ability to fill your love tank, when they CHOOSE to love you in the correct love language. Since many people (especially in my circle of friends and family) have no knowledge of such things, it's no wonder I've been on fumes the majority of my life.

When it comes to love, I'm evidently multi-lingual. Good thing, or I may have died of starvation a long time ago. As I read the book, I realized that I really am able to receive love in all forms, and even tend to speak it in most forms. I had a hard time deciding which was primary as I read through the five chapters outlining each of the languages. Quality time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. As I read in depth about each, I found myself feeling like I could argue my point for just about all of them. I took the quiz at the end, and it was hands down QT. The highest score you could get is a 12 and I had an 11. Words came in at 8 and it was basically a three way tie with low numbers for the other three.

So now I understand why it's so sad to me when seasons of life no longer permit for those all day hang out sessions. Why it's so hard to reach out to new friends, knowing there isn't enough QT to go around for the old ones. I tend to be one of those people who goes deep with anyone that I call friend, and that takes some serious time. Time that people my age, including myself, do not have. I feel like time spent together that can't be quality is a waste. I hate going to the movies with someone who I don't have much time with, because I'd rather sit face to face and talk for our two precious hours. I pretty much hate talking on the phone, these days. It's not quality.

I look forward to being more intentional, now that I'm armed with knowledge that I can't pretend I don't know. If you haven't read the book. Do it. If you have, do it again. You won't be sorry.


Rina said...

That's a great book, isn't it? QT is my primary love language, too. It's been fun to guess what the kids LL's are. So far, I think I have my five year old pegged as "service" and my two year old is probably touch, but I'm at a loss for the other three!

Rachel said...

I was wondering about kids... Do you think it's innate, or do you think we have some influence? I kind of feel like some of my tendencies were created by some things that were lacking in my childhood. I wonder if the opposite could be influential, too. Would lavishing gifts on your children cause them to equate it with love? I wonder what Dr. Chapman would say. Maybe he touches on it in the LL of Kids book.