Monday, September 14, 2009

If Only It Were A Golden Calf

Oh, the idolatry...  

Biggest sigh ever.

Jesus is tracking me down wherever I go these days.  Or he's having my mail forwarded to a number of different people.  Either way, the slow process of breaking me down so HE can rebuild?

Uh, yeah.  I'd say that's underway, officially, now.

Brick by brick.

This oughta be fun.

He is taking the things that I've set up as idols in my life, and reminding me that He is the one I'm to worship.

He is literally destroying relationships, in an effort to show that the one with Him is the ONLY one that matters.

He is revealing the Pride and Selfishness that exist in my life.  And unfortunately, He can't get close to me when that disgusting debris is littering the path.

I just wish we lived in the days of the golden calves.  

Because then I could pay someone else to take that worthless thing to the edge of town, to the LANDFILL where it belongs.

But these days, our idols are our own flesh and bone.  They are our misconceptions about ourselves and others.  

And the process of breaking it up and hauling it to the landfill is a long and painful one.

But it's a necessary one, and I am onboard.  I'm even a little bit excited.  Ready to get my hands dirty.

And I know I will be better on the other side.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Open Hands

Our MOPS group started back up today.  I'm excited for my second year and trusting that God has great things in store...  This year I feel able to get more involved, so I've volunteered to be part of the steering committee.  I'm not sure what that looks like, yet.  But I think it's going to be a lot of fun.

God never ceases to amaze me, in His ability to speak truth directly to my heart in the midst of a group.  Our Mentor Mom is truly fabulous and I don't know how she does it, but she manages to speak directly to me almost every week.  How can she possibly know what I need?  She doesn't.  He does.  It's a beautiful thing...

Today, she was talking about relationships and how things can change, even when you don't want them to.  Word.  She talked about holding things with open hands, so it's a lot easier to not only let go, when it's time, but also to receive whatever God is going to put in it's place.

I needed to hear that.  Oh, how I needed to hear that.  The sticky buns?  I didn't need those.  The silly (and fun) game, that made me regret wearing heels?  Didn't need that.  But those words, that reminder?  That was worth the price of admission times 10.  Easily.

I knew I needed to bring myself back to a place of surrender.  Especially regarding a specific situation that I don't understand and I don't like.  Not one bit.  It makes absolutely no sense to me and I feel like it should be different.  But like most things in my life, it is outside of my control.  I've done all I can do to bring about a happy ending, and it's just not happening.  So what's my next step?


Even though I don't wanna.

I will, because I know there is always a lesson.  There is always good in there somewhere, even when all I can see is the dysfunction, the ugly and the enemy's wretched, wretched scheming.

So, I will surrender.  I will say goodbye to my plan.  And I will open my hands and wait for what God will place in them.  And this time, I will not close my hand around whatever that is. He gives and takes away, and it's a lot easier when it's not a tug of war.