Rock your Spouses World For Valentine's Day

I mentioned that my husband and I read The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, right? Well, let me just tell you... Applying the concepts of this book HAS WORKED FOR US!

I'm currently working on a device to assist me in kicking myself for not reading this book four or five years ago when I actually bought it. If I had known then, what I know now...

If you're husband is like mine, he may not jump at the chance to read a book you recommend. I was a little worried about putting myself out there. Again. I'll be honest, I was a little desperate. I was formulating my back up plan if he didn't cooperate. I'm REALLY glad he did. I had no good ideas for a back up plan... If this is you - be very careful how you approach it with hubby. Delivery is everything.

When I told my husband that I had read the book and felt like it could really help us with issues we've been dealing with for the entire 10 years (almost) we've been married, I was as serious as a heart attack. When I told him that one of the couples used as an example in the book described us PERFECTLY and it revolutionized their marriage, I think I got his attention. I told him that I believed that if we were willing to implement the concepts in the book, that we would likely see an immediate difference. I had no idea how right I was. 

Let me also just say that we have made a concerted effort to communicate well no matter how hard or unnatural it may be at times, and we truly have a wonderful marriage.  We were not, however, speaking each others primary love language.  We were doing what all people do - we were communicating love to each other in our own primary love language.  That's what you do unless you know better.

So, I challenge you. If you don't know with absolute certainty what your spouse's (or children or friend's)primary love language is, you should really find out. Don't guess, don't assume. If you haven't read the book, read it! You won't regret it. You can also take a quick quiz here. 

What better way to bless your spouse for Valentine's day?  Love them in the language that they can understand best.  Help them to understand how to do the same for you!  Make it a Valentine's day you'll never forget.  I know ours will be one for the record books!

For more great tips, visit Rocks in My Dryer.

Quality Time...

...is my primary love language. Closely followed by Words of Affirmation. If you spend time with me while telling me how great I am, I will likely follow you home and be your loyal friend forever.

Seriously, though.

I read The Five Love Languages last week and it confirmed a ton of stuff that I intuitively knew to be true, corrected some things I was confused about and overall, knocked my socks off. Frank and I have been on a pretty steady course over the past 5 - 7 years, but being of the imperfect human variety, we do have our moments. I can see this book making those fewer and farther in between. He's reading it now. Be still my beating heart.

I always thought that receiving gifts was my primary love language. FALSE. Learning that QT is my true primary love language has made sense of a lot of stuff I've been thinking about and dealing with over the past year or two.

You see, your love language isn't reserved for your spouse alone. Friends and family have the ability to fill your love tank, when they CHOOSE to love you in the correct love language. Since many people (especially in my circle of friends and family) have no knowledge of such things, it's no wonder I've been on fumes the majority of my life.

When it comes to love, I'm evidently multi-lingual. Good thing, or I may have died of starvation a long time ago. As I read the book, I realized that I really am able to receive love in all forms, and even tend to speak it in most forms. I had a hard time deciding which was primary as I read through the five chapters outlining each of the languages. Quality time, Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. As I read in depth about each, I found myself feeling like I could argue my point for just about all of them. I took the quiz at the end, and it was hands down QT. The highest score you could get is a 12 and I had an 11. Words came in at 8 and it was basically a three way tie with low numbers for the other three.

So now I understand why it's so sad to me when seasons of life no longer permit for those all day hang out sessions. Why it's so hard to reach out to new friends, knowing there isn't enough QT to go around for the old ones. I tend to be one of those people who goes deep with anyone that I call friend, and that takes some serious time. Time that people my age, including myself, do not have. I feel like time spent together that can't be quality is a waste. I hate going to the movies with someone who I don't have much time with, because I'd rather sit face to face and talk for our two precious hours. I pretty much hate talking on the phone, these days. It's not quality.

I look forward to being more intentional, now that I'm armed with knowledge that I can't pretend I don't know. If you haven't read the book. Do it. If you have, do it again. You won't be sorry.

Real Friendship

I was reading in Proverbs 27 the other day. On the 27th, actually... Some of the best verses on friendship can be found there.

Verse 5

Better is open rebuke, than hidden love.

If you've never had a friend that you could say ANYTHING to, in LOVE with GENTLENESS. You should give it a try. There is nothing like it. The only thing better is knowing that the same person will say anything to you, and with the same love and gentleness.

Verse 9

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel.

Perfume and incense only give me a headache, but the rest I agree with wholeheartedly.

Verse 17

As iron sharpens iron, so one man (or in this case woman) sharpens another.

Feathers don't sharpen feathers. Sometimes it's hard. This means it might hurt, but the result is worth it.

Friends like these are few and far between. If you find one, don't let her go. Sometimes, you won't have a choice, but when you do - don't let her go.

My heart is broken...

for people I don't know.

I'm so thankful for God's grace and goodness and for the fact that the families for whom my heart breaks know Him.

Please join me in praying for these families...

The family of Tuesday, as they mourn the loss of their beautiful daughter.
http://www.half12.blogspot.com/

This family. Read the urgent prayer request.
http://www.mabebabe.blogspot.com/

Pray for baby Trey. Born much too early, but God is bigger.

http://prayingfortrey.blogspot.com/

Reading Your Bible Every Day and Scripture Memorization

I went through a phase where I was having a very deep, conversational one or two hour quiet time most days. It was fantastic, and I hope it comes back around soon. With sickness and the Holiday and trying to dig myself out of a hole, it just doesn't seem to be in the cards on a regular basis, right now. I'm nothing if not honest, especially on this blog where my spiritual journey is the topic du jour. Every jour.

I'm serious about reading my Bible. Even if it's only the Proverb of the day, which for me is the chapter of Proverbs that corresponds to the day of the month. I read the Proverb of the day, and usually one or more other chapters of the Bible. This really doesn't take very long. So, even when I don't have time to take a large junk of time in the late morning or early afternoon to essentially have a date with Jesus, to read and journal and talk to Him, I read my Bible at night, right before I go to bed. I'm a stickler for this,  even if it's Midnight and I'm exhausted, I make time to get in the Word.

I used to feel guilty about only reserving my last moments of the day for the Lord. We know where guilt comes from, right? Not God. I say I used to feel guilty. I don't anymore.

When I would do my quiet times during the day, I would often go days without making the time for various reasons.  When I would get back to it, I would go to read, say - Proverbs 13 and realize I hadn't read 11 or 12.  (I find the Proverb a day system useful in so many ways!)  Well, that was pretty convicting in itself, so I decided to get back to my nightly devotions.  It works for me...

Around this same time, I started memorizing Psalm 139, something I've wanted to do and felt led to do for a long time, thanks to this challenge.  I'm happy to report that I have memorized it and I could not be more excited.  I never thought I would be able to do it.   That's why I never bothered to even try. I would open it up, look at the 24 verses, and say - yeah.... maybe not.

Not this time.  I didn't even follow Angie's timeline...  It easily took me 2 or 3 times as long as she suggested.  I got hung up on a few verses, and I spent more time some nights than I did others.  BUT I DID IT!  Finally.  Quiz me if you see me.  :)

So, every night, I crawl in bed.  I grab my Bible, which I sleep with.  Yes.  In my bed.  I'm weird like that.  Before I open it, I recite the verse or verses that I'm currently memorizing.  When I'm done, I check myself.  Then I read the Proverb of the day.  Then I read a chapter or more of whatever other books I'm currently reading.  For example, I just finished James, and II Samuel.  I usually ask the Lord if there is anything else He would have me read that night.  Sometimes I sense He wants me to, sometimes I don't.  If anything pops into my head when I ask, I read it.  If it was me, who cares.  I don't want to miss out on something if it was Him.

Scripture Memorization

While I was working on Psalm 139, I would just meditate on one verse at a time.  I find it helpful to find a rhythm and sort of make a song of each verse, or section.  Some do not lend themselves to it, and it slows me down.  After doing my other reading, I would come back to Psalm 139, and get that "song" in my head and repeat it over and over and over until I fell asleep.  It has really worked for me!

I'd love to hear your tips for Scripture Memorization.  I'm very motivated now that I have accomplished a goal that I've had for so long.

For other helpful tips, visit Works for me Wednesday at Rocks in my Dryer.

Gentleness

I've been working on gentleness for about 5 years now. I spent the first 5 years of my marriage (and the first 25 years of my life, really) being a big fat B. Which, of course, stands for brat. ahem. I've spent the past 5 years (yes, that makes me 30. ish.) trying to change, or should I say - trying to submit to God changing me and my not so gentle ways.

It's coming along nicely. Not quickly, but nicely.

Probably the most effective thing I've done to remedy this issue, is posting relevant scriptures where I will see them often. Right now, I have Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." in my bathroom. I had to go to Bible Gateway to get the reference, but I know that puppy by heart. It has been really helpful. Incidentally, it's in the Proverb of the day that I will be reading before bed. How about that?

I also have Ephesians 4:29 posted on my mirror. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. " This is obviously more about what comes out of your mouth than how it comes out, but I especially love the part about benefiting those who listen. Not that I have the opportunity to talk to people very often... But still. When I do, I want what I say to be beneficial to them.

Philippians 4:5 "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near."

The Fruit of the Spirit is... among others, gentleness. Our Pastor said something really cool a couple of weeks ago. Well, honestly he says something cool every time I hear him speak, but a couple weeks ago, it was about the Fruit of the Spirit. He said "The fruit is not for the tree. It's for the person that walks past the tree." I love it when people say profoundly simple things that are so applicable. When I think of that in terms of gentleness, and interacting with people, (especially my husband) it brings a new urgency to my quest for gentleness.

2 Timothy 2:25 says, "those who oppose him, he must gently instruct." Try that one on for size. Not only does the person disagree with you - they are coming against you... How are you (or should I say How am I) to respond? With gentleness.

As hard as it is for me to be gentle with my husband, at times... You know the times, when you are so torqued out of shape that no matter how hard you try you can't get the tone/pitch of your voice to sound like anything this side of a 7 year old girl who just got stung by a bee? Ah, my husband loves that. Actually, not. And can I just say, if I were allergic to bees I'd go broke buying epi-pens, for how often my voice sounds like that. Is it okay to say that he sometimes has it coming? Yeah, I didn't think so. Okay, then I won't say that. ahem. Right - so my point is, it's hard enough to be gentle with the people whom we love the most (who no doubt have the talent for riling us up the best), but we are also commanded to be gentle to all and to those who oppose us.

He doesn't ask much, does He?

And this, dear friends, is why I take very seriously the following advice.

James 1:19 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

James 1:22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.

Do you write in your Bible?

I do. A lot.

I've been wondering what other people think.

I'd say writing in my Bible is another one of the things that really allowed me to draw closer to God. I think about the Bible as Life's Little Instruction Book. I don't know about you, but I take that pretty seriously. When I see something important, or super relevant to what I need to be working on - I mark it. Circle it. Highlight it. Underline it. Don't tell anyone, but I even wrote DUDE! next to a verse one time. I should go get it and see which one.

hmmm... I can't find where I wrote DUDE! but I found lots of places with question marks, a WOO -HOO!, an OUCH, lots of these *, a WOW, a LOVE IT!, another ouch...

I found it. Now I don't know if I want to share...



Okay.



I'll share.



Proverbs 25:24 Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.



Yeah... I must have been a treat to live with when I came across that. Why else would I have written DUDE!?


Have I mentioned that I'm a work in progress?


There are also multiple places where I reference another scripture to look at, cultural information about when and to whom it was written that brings light to a passage, information given in a sermon that made me do that, mmmm.... noise.

In the New Testament, I have more pages with marks on them than not. The Psalms are full of my chicken scratch. I read a Proverb every day and the first few times through, I underlined something almost every day.

I don't write in my Bible because I can't find scrap paper. I carry a journal every where I carry my Bible. I write in it because I want it and everything I learn about it to TRANSFORM my life. I write in it because there is so much good stuff in there, that I want to reference on a daily basis, and I can't remember where all of it is. I know when I was in the ICU waiting room, I used pencil to underline and write all over the book of Psalm. I know that my first year teaching I used a pink marker to underline a lot of stuff. Even if I don't remember when or why or in what color I underlined something, I know that what I'm looking for is underlined in red or has a blue asterisk next to it. I know, because I've read it over and over and over.

It has helped me to hide God's Word in my heart. It has helped me help others in their time of need. It has helped me to remember. It has helped me.

Do you write in your Bible?