I didn't know it until recently, but I have been battling fear for quite some time. Maybe my whole life. I've heard others share about their battle with fear, and have often thought - I'm so thankful that I don't struggle with it.
That sound you hear is me laughing hysterically. At myself. And my pride.
What's not funny is the enemy's ability to sneak in and set up shop without you even knowing about it.
How about this for a giggle? Last year the church I attend put on a women's conference called Fearless. For various reasons, I didn't want to go. A friend said to me, "Really? Fearless? That doesn't grab you?" (Or something to that effect, anyway.) I do remember exactly what I said.... "No, not really. I don't really struggle with fear."
There's the laughing again.
Sigh.
I really believed it, too. There were so many things that I probably should have had a healthy dose of fear for and I didn't. I worked in a very rough neighborhood for a couple of years and I know many of my friends and family lost sleep over my safety. I never felt fear. I even said, "I'm too dumb to be scared." I kid, but I truly never worried about it.
So, you can imagine my horror when, through the work and study I have been doing in multiple areas, God blows the lid off of my fear issues. That I didn't even know I had. He's been working up to it, really. Like He does. Never would He blow the lid off of anything unless He knew it would be beneficial for me and bring glory to Himself. So He started with a peek here, and a glimpse there. He put the right people in my life before He started up the wind machine. People that could lead the way because they've been there. People who have the wisdom and knowledge to encourage me on my journey. People who I trust and know have only my best interest at heart. People that are hearing and trusting in God alone. People whose advice is firmly planted in the Word of God. Oh, hallelujah for that!
I've gotten a look at the problem and let me tell you - it ain't pretty. I seriously don't even know how it happened, but it sure did. I'll also tell you that a LOT of things make a LOT more sense now that I understand what was going on.
I know that I know that I know that I have not been given a spirit of fear. (2 Timothy 1:7) Apparently there was a bin of it marked "FREE" somewhere along the line, because I stocked up and didn't even know what I was getting.
One thing I've learned recently that has made a lot of sense is this: Whatever we feed gets strong. And I have fed the spirit of fear more than anything else. The choices I've made and the things I have done in the name of self protection and preservation have compounded fear in my life.
Our Pastor once said that fear is to the devil what worship is to God. Fear, worry, fretting, stress.... Glorifies the devil. If that isn't reason enough to get it figured out, I don't know what would be.
The good news is, now I DO know and you better believe I'm going to do something about it. I feel like God has been preparing me all my life for this moment. I'm fairly certain I will be unrecognizable once it's all figured out, but as long as I look A LOT more like Jesus than I do now, I'm totally fine with it.
I've never been more "confident of this, that he who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
Glory!
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