Balance

Balance has been on my mind a lot lately.  I'm kind of an ALL or NOTHING kinda gal, so balance is tricky for me.

Tricky or not, I think it's important.  In all things.  In health, in Spiritual matters and especially parenting.  I read this fantastic post today, and I think what makes it fantastic is balance.

I want what I want and I want it now.  Can you relate?  When I ask someone to do something, I want them to do it right now.  Please tell me I'm not the only one.  So, when I tell Chloe to come here, sit down, eat your chicken, give me that, leave that on, don't stand on that, give me a kiss....  I want it now.  I'm all about the first time obedience, yo. 

Ha!  Because I'm such a jedi master in obedience myself, right?  

Please.  

I read Grace Based Parenting and realized that first time obedience (and the efforts that go into training for it) and grace based parenting don't exactly go hand in hand.  Ultimately, I want to have the relationship that God wants with me with Chloe.  I'm pretty sure that if God's number one priority was first time obedience, he'd have no doubt given up on me years ago...

So, with Chloe, I seek balance.  I'm not giving up hope of an obedient child.  I'm not even giving up hope for first time obedience.  I'm still me and still want what I want.  But I also know that our relationship is more important than what I want, what I think I need.  So how I'll go about it will be different based on that conclusion.  My expectations will be different.  Balanced, hopefully.

In my spiritual life...  Balance.  I desire to be holy because I know it's what He desires for me.  I try.  I fail.  I try.  I fail.  In most things, if I try that much and continue to fail, I quit.  I want perfection from myself, even if no one else cares.  I'm so thankful that God has given us His Word.  Filled with people who loved him, like I love him.  People who fail.  Miserably.  But they continue.  They don't quit.  They keep on keeping on.  And He blesses them every time.

I have questions.  There is so much of it that I don't get.  I keep trudging along and I continually remind myself:  Balance!  It's a process.  I'm not likely to understand it all until I meet Jesus face to face.  I can overthink a trip to the grocery store or cleaning my toilet, so trust me when  I say - I need balance when it comes to understanding scripture and not overthinking my questions and those things that seem to contradict themselves in scripture. Even though I know that they don't, with enough overthinking - they sure seem to.

Balance in my relationships.  For many years I carried the torch in almost all of my personal relationships.  If I didn't come visit, we didn't visit.  If I didn't call, we didn't chat. Balance has brought a lot of painful realizations, the worst of which is that a one sided relationship isn't a relationship at all.  I mourn the loss of friends that I loved dearly.  It saddens me that when I stopped doing all of the work, the friendships died.  When we begin to value balance and a healthy order of things, it's not always easy, but I believe it's always right.

I will continue to seek God and His version of balance.  I pray that with it comes peace, contentment and joy.  I think that would be a sure sign that I was on the right track, wouldn't you agree?